Here Are The HotRod Funnies (These Will Mean Nothing To Normal People)
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You know you have too much horsepower when:
1. The emissions test guy starts laughing as soon as you pull onto the rollers.
2. You can't drive your car in the rain.
3. Your 'significant other' is afraid to drive your car.
4. You are afraid to drive your car.
5. You spend more on tires than on food.
6. You spend more on car insurance than on house payments.
7. You look in a state police car and see a picture of your car taped to the dash.
8. You throw your underwear in the garbage rather than the hamper.
9. You have to go to the track to buy gas.
10. Your mechanic names the new wing of his shop afteryou.
11. Jacques Villeneuve and Michael Schumacher wave you by.
12. You can make the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs.
13. You're tempted to wear your fire suit just to drive to the office.
14. Red signal lights shift to green as you're approaching then shift back to red as you're receding.
15. You arrive somewhere before you left.
16. You get pulled over for doing 155 in a 35 but the cops will let you go if "they can look under thehood."
17. You remove the $2000 stereo system to save 6 lb.of weight.
18. You are not allowed to run in the Silver State Challenge.
19. You get an anonymous phone call asking if you are interested in being in the Cannonball Run.
20. Your face looks like you are riding a NASA centrifuge when you drive the car.
22. You need parachute braking.
23. 'significant other' won't even ride in the car.
24 There is no possible way to "sneak out" of your neighborhood at 6am.
25. Your pets scramble for their hiding spots as soon as the garage door is opened. (Pets, and all the neighbors...)
26. Family photos throughout the house are replaced with life-sized posters of your car.
27. Fuel is delivered to your home: in 55 gallon drums!
28. You carry earplugs in your car.(doesn't everybody???)
29. The only spot on the car which receives any regular cleaning is the windshield. (what else is there to clean???)
30. You find out that side mirrors don't hold up at speeds exceeding 145 mph.
YOU MIGHT BE A DRAG RACER IF........
- You think the
primary purpose of wings is to PREVENT flight.=20
- You take your helmet along when you go to buy new eyeglasses or
check out cars.
- You are happiest when your street car's tires are worn to racing depth and the wear bars are showing.
- When something
falls off of your car, you wonder how much weight you just
saved.=20
- Your email address refers to your race car rather than to you.
- You've paid $4.00 a gallon for gas without complaining.
- You bought a race car before buying a house.
- You bought a race car before buying furniture for the new house.
- You're looking for a tow vehicle and still haven't bought furniture!
- The requirements you give your real estate agent are (in order of importance):
1) 8 car climate controlled garage with an attached shop.
2) Outside parking for 6 cars, a motor home, a crew cab dually, a 28' enclosed trailer and a 34' 5th wheel.
3) 3 phase 220V outlets in the garage for your welder.
4) A grease pit.=20
5) Deaf neighbors.
6) Some sort of house with a working toilet & shower on the property -or- hookups for the motor home.
- You sit in your race car in a dark garage and make car noises and shift and practice your heel and toe, while waiting for your motor to get back from the machine shop.
- You have enough spare parts to build another car.
- More than one
racer supply store recognizes your voice and greets you by name
when you call.
> - You think the last line of the Star Spangled banner is:
"Racers start your engines!"
- People know you by your class, car number, and car color.
- You astound the clerk at Sears by bringing in a snapped breaker bar every other week or so.
- Your family brings the couch into the garage to spend time with you.
- A neighbor asks if you have any oil, to which you query, "Synthetic or organic?" and they reply, "Vegetable or corn."
- You enjoy driving in the rain on the way to work.
- You always want to change something on your street car to make it handle better.
- You've tried to convince your wife you needed that flow bench to fix the air filter on her station wagon.
- You save broken car parts as "momentos".
- You've found your lawnmower runs pretty good on 108 octane gas (but doesn't particularly care for alcohol).
- Instead of pictures in your wallet, you have time slips.
- You quote your street tire wear life in weeks rather than miles.
- After you tell your wife where you'd like to go on vacation she answers: "Why...is there a race there?"